Ramblings of the Mind

No change

Wed, 30 Nov 2005 21:06:18 -0500

Been to busy trying to finish the site transfer that things are too tiring to write about, sorry I missed October.

I'll try to update things after Christmas.

Update

Fri, 30 Sep 2005 14:13:54 -0500

Been about two months since I last wrote, been too busy with the site transfer (which is still going on) to do much else.

Had sex 12 times since my last entry, but the relationship is blah right now. Mike's getting verbally abusive again, just started two days ago.

Joined up on DeviantART, now been getting commissions left and right. Bills been okay but now we need to go grocery shopping really bad. Mike won't be happy to learn mom can't take me tomorrow and I need juice real bad, I'm probably gonna run out tonight.

Gaming has gone slow, Erik has been MIA for over a month. Nate is back though, that was a surprise.

Got two kittens on Mike's vacation, they are going to be neutered on Monday. They are Fire and Brimstone and they are precisions.

That's about it, everything else has just been going by easy enough.

Later!

All moved in!

Mon, 1 Aug 2005 12:10:48 -0500

Sorry it's been a moth since my last entry BUT July was a VERY busy month!

Though for all that bustle and activity there isn't much to tell.

I spent a week with my mom during the actual move process, that was interesting. I was well fed and hydrated during my stay to say the least.

I received a very fast commission from Anna Rigby that only took 5 days. I am very proud of it.

Now we are ll moved in and despite a bumpy start of peeing on myself the first day and fumbling the climax for sex the next day, things have been good.

I have both computers back but I lost all my Away Messages and my e-mails for Xull'rae on my one comp, so I cannot remember if I lost anything important, oh well!

Mike finally got a table so now he's hooked back up too, hopefully he gets on tonight and fixes all the address changes for bill pay. Speaking of changes I have to call SSI tomorrow to report my change of address. Wish me luck they don't cut me off in September!

I need to contact Anna and Erik to let them know things and then I need to start working on the site again. I have all the logs edited that I needed to transfer and finally uploaded new logs on the web shell, yay!

Anyway, later!

Happy 4th!

Mon, 4 Jul 2005 18:16:46 -0500

Overstuffed, had great food at my aunt's house. Grandma and Mike made fun of me because I ate more than they did!

Met Johnathan's fiance, nice, pretty eyes too. Her name is Julie.

It was a beautiful day to enjoy. I had fun, now it's time to get to work. I probably won't see any fireworks tonight, I think I'll be too sleepy anyway lol!

Later!

Lonely

Thu, 30 Jun 2005 12:39:02 -0500

Had sex Tuesday, but the rest of the week prior and after yesterday have been depressing and lonely.

Moving day is fast approaching and I'm not looking forward to it. My commissions haven't come in yet, dunno about one but Kay's step daughter has cancer plus her computer crashed so she's had to start over so will be another 6 weeks or more.

Have no money, we get paid tomorrow but it'll still be tight for July.

So broke that my birthday sucked. EVERYBODY forgot about it. It was yesterday, it panned out okay but still it was very lonely yesterday.

Our boards were not restored so we've started rebuilding so our site transfer has come to a halt.

Anyway I'm gonna go, no need to be entirely depressing lol!

Later!

Another bad week

Wed, 22 Jun 2005 12:37:52 -0500

Another bad week, I just want it to go away.

We need to start moving soon. No commissions yet and our boards were not restored.

I got sick, Mike got on my case about an aid.

The site has been put on hold, now we have to relink things because of it. Mike's mom has been sick and Lance was kicked out of his house and might go to jail.

My birthday is a week from today.

Bad stuff, I'm so depressed.

Hopefully things will be happier soon.

Been sooo busy

Mon, 13 Jun 2005 13:43:59 -0500

Haven't had time to write lately, but here goes my brief run down of what's happened since the 25th.

I got my commission from Liz and Lorelai.

Nothing from Kay yet.

Commissioned a new artist to drow chibi's for our we've moved page, got the sketch yesterday.

Was sick for a full week with a nasty congested cold. Mike was too he's the on that gave it to me.

We had sex on the 30th, but I was still sick so I cannot remember much of it lol.

Our boards crashed on the 31st. Everything is gone. Ezboard is working on a restoral, hoping to see results next weekend.

Mike bought that trailer for 1500 and now we are so tight on money until next paycheck, or for the rest of this month, it's not even funny, and has me worried up the wall.

We'll be moving sometime in July, so the pressure will be on soon...joy.

Roleplay has been good, but I miss my own characters lol.

Web games are going okay, though I might get hit in Utopia, killed in Lost Realm and might lose Nick to a bigger alliance. Oh well.

I think that generally covers everything.

Until my next update, I'm out. Later!

Still wary, but getting better

Wed, 25 May 2005 14:02:37 -0500

No more fighting since last I wrote.

Had sex Sunday, but headache stopped poor Mike short and I finished too soon.

Got a sketch from Lorelai yesterday, looks guy enough to look good if that makes sense. ^_^ Also got the finished version of the trio commission. Looks VERY good, Mike and I are pleased. We'll be putting it on the drow campaign's main page.

Nothing from Kay yet, but I expected that, but I'm disappointed that Jurty never got back to me.

My computer crashed last week, I hope to get it back next week, this computer is nice but seriously it has nothing on it compared to my other computer.

The site is going along pretty good, guess I'll get to that and check my mail now.

Later

Rocky Waters Have Begun

Mon, 16 May 2005 13:10:52 -0500

Just a quick note that yesterday sucked and Mike is back in his depressive mode after all these months. He's doing the blame game and putting me down theme again.

I knew this was going to happen. I guess we need to talk, YET AGAIN. Honestly I think it's time to part ways, but we are both kind of stuck. He would need a job transfer and I would need a place to live but we are both short on money. He wants a bigger place, so do I, but he wants his friends as usual and I can't give that to him. I want a marriage and a family, but he can't afford it and I now know he is not responsible enough to have children with me, because he can barely take care of me without be fucking resentful. He always has to bring up a god damn aid and pass me off to someone else to take care of, or get my mom to do it or my grandma, anybody but him.

I guess his mom was right, he is immature and irresponsible. I know I'm angry, but I'm tired of him getting frustrated and impatient with reality and then taking it out on me. No matter what he says I know what he feels is honest because it's always the same things out of his mouth whenever he is upset or depressed. These can range from
"Go live your mom."
"Get your mom or grandma to do it."
"You're stupid."
"You're supposed to remind me."
"I miss my friends."
"I gave up everything for you."

Would you want to marry him?

I'm no longer scared to be without a man, but I am sad that I would never have children, but maybe it wasn't meant to be and I must try and accept that now.

The campaign would fall apart and all my effort into the site transfer would be wasted. I would go back to being a bigger loser with no life than I am now.

And Mike well, he'd have his precious fucking friends, his beer, no doubt go back into debt, and fuck any girl that wants him, because he's an ass with no emotional attachment. I doubt he ever loved me. He would go on like I never existed, we cannot even be friends, he said so himself if we broke up.

Oh well, I'm building myself up so when we do part ways it won't hurt so bad and I can let go without bitterness. Easier said than done, but I will try, for him and myself.

Finally!

Fri, 6 May 2005 14:34:32 -0500

Paid the rent and the Geico bill but the car payments won't start until June yay!

Gaming has been going steady, we even accepted four new players, so the pep should pick up I think.

Got word from all my commissions. The one from DarrkestDrow is completed and turned out better than I expected. Got a hard sketch from the one Mike wanted to commission. Looks good so far. Lorelai will start Monday and Kay got hers done for others yesterday, so I should be next I hope, so I think I might get it next month. Still nothing from Jurty, it's very strange, guess I'll write her today.

Been tired lately, need more sleep, stupid reset in Lost Realm is at midnight and I had to put myself in Stasis so I could watch a friend's account. Bleh, such unneeded stress!

I need to work harder on the site, I'm restless to get it finished, so I'll be getting to that as soon as I update this.

Things are going okay with Mike and me, we both enjoy the vehicle and are happy things seem upside for a change. We finally managed to squeeze sex in last night, wow was it good! First time Mike asked me could he cum, I came before him for once lol!

Too much info perhaps? I don't care, I'm a happy girl!

Later!